In this edition around ANXIETY & SCHOOL AVOIDANCE, we’ll look at:

• What’s the Issue? – understanding school anxiety and school avoidance.
• Common Reasons Behind School Avoidance – understanding the causes of school-related anxiety.
• Talking About Anxiety – supportive tips for talking to your child about their worries.
• Building Confidence and Coping Skills – empowering your child to manage their anxiety.
• Supporting Regular School Attendance – creating routines that foster a positive view of school.
• Signs to Watch For – identifying early signs of school avoidance.
• Resources and Signposts – where to find further information, help and advice.

WHAT’S THE ISSUE? UNDERSTANDING ANXIETY AND SCHOOL AVOIDANCE

School-related anxiety and avoidance are challenges which some children face, and they can range from mild morning reluctance to more intense feelings of distress about attending school. While occasional nervousness about school is normal, ongoing anxiety can impact a child’s learning, social development, and well-being. Addressing these feelings early and with support can help children feel more secure, resilient, and ready to engage with school positively.

School avoidance, sometimes called “school refusal,” refers to persistent reluctance or refusal to attend school. It’s often rooted in anxiety or fear and can become more difficult to manage if it’s not addressed early. Children may show this avoidance in different ways, from frequent complaints of physical discomfort to more open resistance to attending school.

COMMON REASONS BEHIND SCHOOL AVOIDANCE

Understanding the root causes of your child’s anxiety can make it easier to support them effectively. Here are some common reasons children may feel anxious about school:

• Separation Anxiety: Particularly common in younger children, separation anxiety involves distress about being away from parents or caregivers. This type of anxiety is normal in the early years but can require extra support if it persists.
• Social Pressures: Friendships and social dynamics can be tricky for children to navigate. If a child feels left out, is experiencing conflicts with peers (or is being bullied), dislikes speaking in class or feels uncertain in social situations, they may develop anxiety about being at school.
• Academic Pressure: Some children may worry about meeting expectations in class, completing homework, or performing well in tests. These concerns can sometimes feel overwhelming.
• Changes in Routine: New teachers, transitioning to a new school, or changes in home life (like moving house, or a new sibling arriving) can all create anxiety as children adjust to new settings and dynamics.
• Perfectionism: High-achieving children who set unrealistic standards for themselves may develop anxiety, fearing they won’t meet their own or others’ expectations.
• Health-Related Anxiety: Especially after the pandemic, some children have heightened concerns about health, illness, and hygiene, which can increase school avoidance.

With early understanding and support, parents can help ease school-related worries and promote a positive school experience.

TALKING ABOUT ANXIETY

Having open, supportive conversations about anxiety can help children feel understood and reassure them that they’re not alone in their feelings. Here are some tips to get started:

1. Create a Calm Space for Talking: Let your child know it’s okay to share their worries and that their feelings are valid. Try to stay calm and listen without interrupting or judging.
2. Name the Feeling: Helping young children to label their emotions, like “nervous” or “worried,” can give them a better understanding of what they’re experiencing and a sense of control.
3. Share Your Own Experiences: Share a time when you felt anxious or nervous about something new and explain how you managed it. This can help children see that anxiety is normal and can be overcome.
4. Reassure and Support: Let your child know that it’s okay to feel anxious, and that there are ways to manage these feelings. Remind them that you’re there to support them through it.
5. Get Creative! Through drawing, painting or making things, children will often find it easier to open up. You can also create visual representations of emotions to encourage conversation.

BUILDING CONFIDENCE AND COPING SKILLS

Developing coping skills can empower children to manage anxiety when it arises. Here are some strategies which you can try at home that may help:

• Create a Comforting Morning Routine: Consistent morning routines provide a sense of security and predictability. Incorporate a calm activity, like reading a favourite book or doing a short activity they enjoy, to set a positive tone for the day.
• Use Visual Cues: For younger children, visual cues like stickers, charts, or drawings can help them feel prepared for the day. A morning “countdown” chart, for instance, can guide them through each step to get ready, making the transition smoother.
• Practice Relaxation Techniques: Teach your child simple relaxation techniques, like deep breathing, visualisation, or gentle stretching. These can help calm their mind and body before heading to school.
• Pack a Comfort Item: If the school allows, a small comfort item like a family photo or a keychain can give your child a sense of connection to home while they’re at school.
• Encourage Positive Self-Talk: Guide your child to replace negative thoughts (“I can’t do this”) with supportive affirmations (“I’ll try my best” or “I can handle this”). Positive self-talk can boost their confidence and sense of control.
• Break Down the Day: Help them view the school day in manageable chunks rather than as one overwhelming event. This can make it feel less daunting.
• Focus on Strengths: Reinforce your child’s abilities and interests, whether academic, athletic, or artistic, to build self-esteem and resilience.
• Gradual Exposure: If your child is already avoiding school, discuss the possibility with the school if they can start back in small steps—perhaps just attending part of the day and gradually increasing attendance as they become more comfortable. Flexi-schooling may also be an option worth discussing with your school.

It will be helpful to work closely with your child’s teachers or the school’s pastoral team, who could provide other advice and ensure that there is classroom support as your child adjusts.

SUPPORTING REGULAR SCHOOL ATTENDANCE

Attending school does not only support your child’s academic achievement, ensuring that their education is in-line with national expectations, but it also develops and builds social skills, and positively impacts upon their own mental and emotional health. It is therefore important that we do whatever we can to reduce any existing anxiety about school and encourage regular school attendance.

Here are some tips to support school attendance and promote a positive view of school:

• Stay Positive About School
• Collaborate with Teachers
• Set Realistic Goals and Expectations
• Encourage Developing Friendships
• Celebrate Any Achievements
• Encourage Extracurricular Involvement

SIGNS TO WATCH FOR

Early recognition of school avoidance can help parents intervene constructively. Here are some signs that may indicate school-related anxiety:

• Physical Complaints: Children may report frequent stomach aches, headaches, or nausea, especially before school. If these symptoms disappear on weekends or holidays, it could signal anxiety.
• Resistance to Getting Ready for School: Reluctance to get dressed, eat breakfast, or leave the house may indicate underlying anxiety about school.
• Mood Changes: Increased irritability, clinginess, or sadness in the mornings or as the school week approaches can be linked to school avoidance.
• Withdrawing from School Discussions: If your child seems unusually quiet or disinterested when discussing school or upcoming school activities, it may signal anxiety.

If these signs are consistent, consider starting a gentle conversation with your child and reaching out to teachers or your GP for additional support.

SUPER RESOURCES FOR YOU TO USE AND TO SHARE

• Young Minds – Further strategies, support and helplines – School Anxiety and Refusal | Parent Guide to Support | YoungMinds
• Action For Children: Parent Talk – Signposting, information and advice – School refusal and emotionally based school avoidance
• NHS – Information and advice – School refusal and emotionally based school avoidance
• Patient – Information and tips for parents – School refusal and emotionally based school avoidanceYoung Minds Parent Helpline – 0808 802 5544 (confidential advice, support and guidance)